So if you don't know the The Five Love Languages they are:
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Gifts
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
The book helped us pin point our children's love language so that we could make them feel extremely loved. In the first chapter of the book you will learn what the emotional tank is, what your children need from you, loving your children as they grow and more. Then you will proceed to the next 5 chapters which discuss the love languages in detail. The chapters will discuss topics such as what that love language is and isn't, what you as a parent should be doing to express that love language and what your children are saying to help reveal their love language.
My favorite part is at the end of each love language chapter where they give parents some ideas for expressing your child's love language. Here are some examples: Physical Touch - snuggle closely together on the couch when watching TV, Words of Affirmation - create a special name of affection for your child that is only used between the two of you, Quality Time - make photo albums together on your computer and talk together about the memories you shared in the process, Gifts - create a secret drawer where your child can keep her small treasures like bird feathers, etc, Acts of Service - assist your child in fixing a favorite broken toy or bicycle. These ideas really help when you are having a rough day and possibly out of ideas for showing your child's love language. I think copying some or all of these down for your child's love language and placing them somewhere you look everyday like the fridge would be a great idea and a helpful reminder to you to speak your child's love language every day.
The next chapter discusses how to discover your child's primary love language. Generally the love language your child expresses towards you and other is most likely their primary love language. It may take some time to figure out their love language but don't give up the rewards are amazing once you do. There are several great suggestions like listening to your children and their requests and complaints, using choices and for the tough children to figure out the fifteen week experiment.
The next two chapters are probably my favorite and the hardest I think every parent, discipline and the love languages and learning and the love languages. We learned in the discipline chapter that for a child whose love language is physical touch spankings, etc can be very detrimental so we use those as a last resort with Gwyn. A spanking to her is taking her love language and using it in a negative way. It leaves her not only punished but also unloved. If a spanking must occur as a last resort we always follow up with a hug. The chapter on the love languages and learning is a GREAT chapter for homeschool families. Dr. Chapman discusses how the love languages aid in learning, why a child could be anxious and how you can help motivate your child.
For all those parents who loose their tempers like I do sometimes chapter 10 is great. There is a great diagram in this chapter called the anger ladder (another item which should go on the fridge.)
And the final two chapters discuss speaking the love languages in a single parent families and speaking the love languages in marriage. These are both great chapters because how we raise our children, what they learn and how much they feel loved starts with the parents and the relationships they have with each other. Whether you are married, divorced or a widow these two chapters will help you discover your love language needs.
In the back of the book there is an easy assessment called the love languages mystery game which will assist you in figuring out what your child's love language is.
So after reading the book we discovered that Gwyn is Physical Touch and Rowyn is Gifts. The assessment is so easy that a 3-4 yr old can comprehend the questions and answer appropriately. We now make a conscious effort to try and meet our children's primary love languages daily so they have full emotional tanks. It works VERY well with Gwyn. If she gets her cuddles, back rubs, legs rubs, hand holding, hugs and kisses she is a better behaved, happier and more attentive.
Now there is a small problem. It can be very, very difficult to express your children's or even your spouses love language sometimes because 9 times out of 10 your love languages will not be the same. I am NOT a physical toucher and never have been. So trying to meet both my husband and daughter's primary love language (both are physical touch) is hard at times. But all I can say is keep working at it. The rewards are amazing and it does get easier. Take it from someone whose love language was never spoken as a child. When I discovered my love language which is words of affirmation it finally dawned on me while my self esteem was so bad. Instead and getting positive words of affirmation as a child I was getting negative ones or not receiving any at. When my husband and kids (yup they have their mommy figured out) started speaking my primary love language my self esteem started to improve. Which in turn is making me a better wife and mother. When my husband tells me how much he appreciates everything I do for our family and how much he loves me it melts my heart. And when my kids say, "your the best mommy and teacher ever" or "mommy you're so beautiful" I just want to cry tears of joy. So I can tell you first hand that even though you may not see instant results something huge is occurring and just be patient.
Links to follow:
-The Five Love Languages of Children Website
-The 5 Love Languages Website
-Dr. Gary Chapman on Facebook
-Dr. Gary Chapman on Twitter
Where to buy:
You can purchase The Five Love Languages of Children here on Amazon or on 5 Love Languages.com.
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